A New Life - Episode 29
Sunday, 09 September 2007.
Fear… A word which hunts mani ppl dwn to their spine… I guessed I am juz one of them, hidin frm fear, afraid tat I may be hunted, avoidin the facts of fear… Hwever, no matter hw u hide, avoid, it will juz strikes u unknownli…
I guessed no matter hw strategic I had been for so long, fear is still sth which I can never defeat against… So, I am nt afraid of death, but hw cld small little things strike me and almost cost me my death??? Probabli, I will nt be able to find out….
But tats definetly nt me…. Regardless hw tough the situations had been, I had never give up, nor gif in to fear… I guessed tats my sturborn nature… Tats my fightin spirit… I guessed if its sth worth fightin for, I will juz keep on fightin….
Too bad, a lot of incidents happened tis mth made me realised tat I am juz a human, I am afraid… Afraid of losin sth dear to me… Afraid of losin tat will to keep on fightin… Afraid of losin everything….
It looks like I am goin to lost it soon…. Very soon….
A morning of unfamiliar feelins came upon me… I did nt knw why… But i guessed my own self is losin some of the changes I wanted to change on me for quite some times… Its juz so unfamilair tat I do nt realli knw wat has happened….
After watchin some shows, I fall into deep slp… Tired??? Probabli…. Its like losin some will to carry on doin stuffs, losin hopes on mani mani things tat I used to wish for… Tis feelin seems to haf gone past me for quite long alreadi… But it seems to come back again somehw….
There goes my slp… I didn’t knw for hw long, but I juz kept my eyes closed as long as I had knew… I wanted to open it… but I did nt haf a single energy to do it… Weak is wat u can describe as nw…
Waken frm tat deep slp… I went online to check out stuff on the internet… Guessed todae my mood is considered as moodless… Didn’t care for anything to happen… Didn’t wan to even care…
ZL called me askin me to meet him… I guessed I didn’t had any mood to go dwn to expo to support his stall… Rejected his ideas… I guessed I can onli sae todae is simpli nt my dae… Even if u are someone straegic, u need a dae off….
Hunk, Shu Wei msn me awhile later… He asked me abt whether I will be goin for the gatherin… I still cannt decide… Maybe I was hopin for someone to tell me whether I shld go… I dun realli wan to decide alreadi… Its tirin…
He told me its on thursdae, 7pm @ orchard… I cld nt make my decision, so told him, tmr I will gif him the answer… I guessed avoidin won’t help me much… Tmr, i will still haf to gif the answer… But shld I go??? Confused, ignorin….
Nite was a confused time for me… Maybe its time to realli sort out all those confused feelins and thinkins I had… Argh… Its irritatin… Guessed todae is realli nt my dae… Oh… Can someone help me??? Haiz…
*** Tmr, watch out for the last episode of A New Life… A interview with Chris…***
