After it ended : Before it Began 4.0
Its another worst ending.
Sometimes, when you were realising tat you haf ur dreams and hopes out there, you try to get it. But in the end everything went into dust.
Its juz like a twist of fate. Haha…. I muz be laughin at myself, hw pathetic I muz be rite nw. Hw heaven makes fun of me after givin me hopes. I dun blame anyone. I juz blame myself. In the end, it is all nothing to begin…
The whole dae in NS, I was like tinkin abt my yesterdae’s blog… well… haha…. its in a total mess…. I actualli was writing in a dizzi mind.I den realised when I woke up tat I had to do sth for her…. N i decided tat there shall be sth done.
But in the morning, I was too shag after onli slpin for abt 2 hrs or so bah… tat I totalli forgotten abt her mornin msg tat I wanted to send…. Damn, I thought to myself. I was ponderin why did I forget to send? but well, maybe afternoon, I can do sth for her?
Den a few hrs later, my ite cca friend, apple sent me msg tat she will be celebratin her birthdae…. after lookin at her msg, i den realised a sentence, tat I can bring a partner along…. Tat was when I thot of her….
I tink why shldn’t I bring her along? After all, she was the 1st person tat I could tink of…. So I msg her…. U see, tats where the problem comes….for this 2 daes, she has nt been replyin my msg tat often…. I suddenli had strange feelins comin out frm my mind…. I was almost sacred ….
Den its like I was tinkin… well, maybe I did nt told her hw beautiful she was on fri and sat when I saw her…. Thoughts den came out frm my mind… Why did she became so beautiful? Thinkin and thinkin… maybe she has fall in love bah…. haha…. secretly, i was pinnin whether it could be me…. but den impossible lor….
So, whether to tell her abt the news was another worry for me… but den I rmb 3 things tat a real man MUZ haf…. 1) BOLD. 2) HONOUR. 3) MAGNIMOUS. I haf been tryin to learn hw tis 3 works for me ever since I knw her…. I hope all these 3 criterias can help me change myself and makes me a better person to suit her….
so BOLDNESS arh….. den I thot, well, since I haf to ask regardless of whether she wans to go or nt, I will juz ask lor…. Well, tats when I started to send her msg abt the news…..BUT after 30 mins of waitin, she den replied….
You see its nt the answer of whether she will go or nt, coz I alreadi knew tat she will never agree… but the thing is tat at least she could repli me so tat I can knw wat she is tinkin todae, hw is she todae, wat’s in her life todae…. so, I decided to tri wif a 2nd msg… I den realised tis 2nd msg will lead to my life being shattered AGAIN….
I went home as usual after goin to cmpb…. tats when I started to view my e-mail inbox… the ting tat I didn’t wan to see appeared rite infront of my own eyes…. HER e-mail….
In my mind and heart, I tink I knw wat its abt… coz after all I had been rejected by girls for abt 19 times frm sec sch to ite…. so agah agah, I knw wat its abt lor…. When I opened, my heart sank downwards….
My heart felt pain…. she onli wans to be my friend…. I knw she has her own reasons…. Nw everything has ended…. haha… its nt even for a mth and it juz ended…. Too fast…. nah…. its juz tat I can never accept it bah….
Well, to said the truth, I never will blame her… I CAN ONLI BLAME MYSELF FOR FALLIN IN LOVE WIF HER…. she has been there to save me frm my fallen self, helpin to maintain my morale high for me to keep my spirit up….
Nw, I will be back to my shattered life, but I knw its goin to be worse than before… I will never stand up ANYMORE…. Maybe, my heart’s dead…. but it revive and nw its dead once more…. broken …. CAN NEVER EVER BE MENDED BACK…..
I knw i wanted to live my nromal life…. but I dunno hw to go on frm her…. Wifout her, my life is nw in total darkness…. as I stepped deep and deep into the lowest part of the well…. I knw I am cryin…. but I cried inside deep of my heart ALONE….
For me, its never easy to overcome problems relatin to love relationship…. but i knw she’s the last one I am goin to woo, to like and to love…. THERE WILL BE NO MORE…. Tis time round, I said it and mean it…. I dunno… keepin on writin was like a torture now….
Shld be cryin deep bah…. but tinkin of her smiles, I would rather make myself unconsious and nt wake up again to face all these problems…. BUT I CAN’T… COZ I DUN REALLI KNW WHERE TO GO ON….
I need some time to clear my thots nw….
CHRIS
